The kids are finally asleep and I’m excited to have some quiet time. I grab some “choffee”, my computer and Bible and sit down. I can feel my body let out a sigh of relief. I have one child who chats non-stop. If he isn’t chatting to someone else, he’s chatting to himself. It’s just nonstop. He has 1000 questions for this world. He has only lived in it for about 3 years, so things are still new and exciting to learn and know about.
I have a sweet little one who communicates with piercing screams. In fact, if you take the time to listen, you can differentiate between the screams to understand what she wants. Trying to teach her to use words (when she can’t speak) instead of screams is like taking a pacifier from a baby.
There are days that I just literally fall apart. There are days that I want to run out the door, get into my car and drive away. The thought that I could be free of responsibility and free of the weight that I carry is such a temptation.
When I hear about moms that walk away, my first reaction is judgmental. “How could you leave those precious children? How dare you? What a horribly selfish woman!?!?”
But there are days when I have those same selfish feelings.
Why do I have these feelings? Because….
I just want to go to bed and get a REALLY good, long, uninterrupted night of sleep.
I just want to eat dinner and only feed myself.
I just want to have a day where there are NO toys strewn over the house.
I want to walk through my house and not step on a Lego.
I JUST WANT TO GO POTTY BY MYSELF. 🙂
Let’s be straight!
Motherhood is hard.
Motherhood requires selflessness.
Motherhood involves days and days of frustrating situations where you want to go run and hide in a corner somewhere.
BUT I STAY
I stay because God commands me to. (…and there are days when this is the main reason)
I stay because my heart is bound to those children. I love them! …the endless chatter, the screams, the poopy diapers, the spills, the destroyed furniture/ house/everything that comes with having kids, the mounds of laundry, the sleepless nights, the work…
It’s selfless, it’s hard and, some days, I can’t stand it, but I WILL stay with it, because it means I have my babies. It means I am simply blessed.
Mama, if you are having one of those days, it’s okay. Try to get your quiet time in. Let God refresh you, the Holy Spirit fill you, and Jesus forgive you for your responses.
…and know that there are other woman who have those desires for flight, who have those meltdowns, who desire to hide in a closet. AND who want to go to the bathroom alone too.
BUT they are staying because Jesus stayed on the cross for them. Because God has mercy and grace for them. Because “that” day is nearly over and there is a brand new day tomorrow.
Make your quiet time a priority. It will change your perspective and, if you are still struggling after all that, send me a message and I will try to encourage you through it.