Four years ago I prayed and asked God for a son. The following January our family was blessed with a little boy who has filled our lives with joy and laughter. I’ve blogged about him before twice, describing how God has used him to teach me about trusting in God and praying specifically for the needs of my children.
Last fall I miscarried a baby very early in pregnancy. Several dear ladies came along beside me in prayer and the Lord gave me peace in knowing my little one was safe with Him.
Shortly thereafter I prayed again for a child and we were overjoyed to find out right after Thanksgiving that I was expecting again, due in August of this year. I remember praying shortly thereafter, trusting God would see me through the first trimester of pregnancy as we continued to homeschool. Weeks went by with very little morning sickness, but daily reminders of my pregnancy with a lack of energy, bouts of acid reflux and the ups and downs of hormone-induced pregnancy mood swings. At 12 weeks we saw our precious little one on the ultrasound screen for the first time. The tech remarked that our baby should get the most cooperative award for a baby that day! At 16 weeks I heard the heartbeat. The midwife commented how the baby’s heart beat and mine were beating together! Around that time I felt my little one’s fluttery movements inside me!
All the joy and expectancy of this pregnancy stopped in mid-March when I had my 20 week ultrasound. What had been a much-looked-forward-to appointment to find out whether we would be adding a third pink or a second blue to our family became a day of devastation as there was no heartbeat found on the ultrasound. The overwhelming peace and presence of the Lord helped us through the difficult days that followed. Friends from near and far sent messages letting us know that they were praying for us!
Last fall God answered my prayer and gave me another son, but this time He chose to take that son home to be with Him in Heaven! I consider both sons (and both my daughters) to be gifts from God! Just because God loaned me my second son for only a very brief time does not change the fact that he was an answer to prayer! His life, though very short, has a purpose. I’m still daily discovering that purpose. God’s peace is more real, Heaven is more real, verses of Scripture are more dear to me – all these things I’ve found just because of a life that was only 20 weeks in length! I know there will be more to learn in the days ahead as well.
There are still hard days when the grief seems fresh, but yet because of the hope that I have in Christ through His death on the cross, shed blood, burial and resurrection, I can go on.
“I will be glad and rejoice in Thy mercy: for Thou hast considered my trouble; Thou hast known my soul in adversities;
And hast not shut me up into the hand of the enemy: Thou has set my feet in a large room.” -Psalm 31:7-8