living on pb & j

Ordinary moms living on Prayer, the Bible, and Jesus!


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Biblical Discipline

Don’t you just love it when God brings multiple lessons and teachers your way to convey a message seemingly just for you? Today, I want to share with you something I feel God has been teaching me about discipline. It seems to be a dirty word to some folks but I believe it actually is a word that can bring about peace and healing in the home.

It all started when I began studying the life of David. He was a man who loved God greatly and had a heart for him. The two most important things that I have taken away from David are:
1.) that he was able to receive discipline and thus was able to have peace with God.
2.) that he didn’t effectively discipline his own children and, as a result, had a lot of strife and contention in his family.

As I’ve been doing life lately, I have been studying several different books/Bible studies and listening to different podcasts put out by godly people. One of the podcasts was from REVIVE OUR HEARTS; I was listening to Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth interview Jani Ortlund. She was discussing discipline in the home and this planted a seed.

Studying David’s life I noticed his lack of discipline and this planted another seed. Reading another book inspired me to research what God says about each matter.

After all those seeds were planted, I stumbled onto Hebrews 12:5-15 and when I read about the reason and goal of discipline, I could not stop there. I went to the Bible and read all the verses I could about what God says about discipline. I was once again given clarification about how and why I am to accept discipline and give discipline to the children in my care.

Stop for a second and read Hebrews 12:5-15
“And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.
Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.
Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed.  Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord: Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
The Goal: (From Hebrews 12:10) The goal of discipline should be that we share in HIS holiness.

The Result: (Hebrews 12) The result of discipline, that is received properly, should be the peaceable fruits of righteousness, healing of brokenness in our lives and strength in areas where we have been weak. As well, if discipline is done right, there should be peace and not bitterness.

Hebrews 12 teaches us that when we discipline our children it shows them that they are ours. We love them and care about their outcome. It is actually easier to leave them to their own devices. However, a caring parent invests in her child when disciplining.

So what does God teach us on this subject?
Proverbs 13:24 –  He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

Proverbs 23:12-16 – Apply thine heart unto instruction, and thine ears to the words of knowledge. Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.  My son, if thine heart be wise, my heart shall rejoice, even mine. Yea, my reins shall rejoice, when thy lips speak right things.
We are to first go to God and be instructed by Him in every matter, also sharing that knowledge with our children. When they disobey/rebel against God or God-given authority, we are to correct by spanking. If you are being Spirit-led and not doing it in anger of the flesh, you will not be abusive.

The point is for them to feel the consequences of their sin. We would pray that this leads to their acknowledgment of their own sin and brokenness and to them desiring healing. “The rod” should never be used in anger or frustration but in peace to bring about peace. The end of this verse indicates that is also brings about happiness to the child and thus the parents.
Proverbs 29:15:  The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
I should ask myself this question before I bring about discipline. Can my reproof bring my child to wisdom? If my children evidence wisdom after I speak to them about an offense, then they don’t need a spanking.
This verse is so convicting because, as a mom of little ones, it is so much easier to just ignore their offenses or give them chance after chance. …but the end result will just bring us mothers to shame.

Proverbs 19:17 – Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.

Proverbs 22:15   – Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”

So what does God teach us about discipline and what can we teach our children on this matter?

Here are just a few verses on this subject…
Proverbs 25:28 – “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.”

Hebrews 13:17 – Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

Ephesians 6:1-4 – Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
We need to remember that it’s not just about forcing our children to obey. Yes, we need to exercise admonition (the word meaning discipline), but our kiddos need lots of nurture and love. If the love is not there, wrath will be. Look at the verse and notice which one comes first. We need lots of nurture before we will ever get anywhere with our admonition.  

  1. So, in conclusion, after reading all the above, when should I discipline?
    When a reproof (spoken words) does not bring about wisdom. When they continue to do something that they were already warned about.
  2. When the child is being blatantly disobedient or rebellious to the ways of God and those who HE has put in charge.
  3. When there is foolish behavior. The book of Proverbs tells us what a fool is. This could include when a child does something thoughtlessly that could hurt himself or the others around him.
  4. When peace and healing are needed.

I hope that you are blessed and encouraged by this. There are lots of strong opinions and methods regarding this subject, but the truth of the Bible stand.

Children come in all sorts of sizes, shapes and personalities. Your child may only need a reproof, but they may need more. I would encourage you to study the Bible on this matter and be Spirit-led. He will show you.

Rejoicing,
Joy


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Happy Mom’s Day

Mother’s Day is upon us and what a special day it is!  It’s a day to celebrate the sacrificial work that mamas perform, day in and day out.

Mamas are special!  I praise the Lord that He gave me an extra special one. She has been my mentor, my teacher, my nurse, and now my friend. Of course, I had no idea how truly amazing she was until I had my own children. But now I know and now I celebrate her…AND I want to celebrate YOU!,

Today, I want to celebrate you moms, because, let’s just be real, motherhood is hard.

B.C. (Before Children), we were able to take a sick day. If I was not feeling well, I just simply called into school or into the office and took the day off. Now, it’s a decision between lying in bed while the little ones jump around me and on me. OR crawling out of bed and limping around the house trying to feed and entertain them without passing out.

B.C. (Before Children), date nights were not needed because I had my spouse all to myself whenever I wanted. We went out about once a week and didn’t even consider it a date. Now… it’s a process. From getting a babysitter to preparing for the babysitter to getting cute-ified (the last thing on the list) …and well, it kinda shows these days.

B.C. (Before Children), I had never been with a family member admitted into the emergency room, let alone 7 times in 2 years, let alone to PICU stays and a surgery. I didn’t know what it meant to truly nurse a “sicky” and lose sleep over and over again until I became a mama.

B.C. (Before Children) – bedtime… DO I NEED TO SAY MORE?!!?!?

B.C (Before Children), after age 3, I thought I would never sleep in a crib again… but then I became a mom and well… you do what you gotta do.

B.C. (Before Children), money went toward the house, food, clothes and savings. (Wait, what is savings again?)  Now, it’s all the above AND lessons, medical bills, school, birthday parties, books, more medical bills…etc.

B.C. (Before Children), my coworkers and I had conversations. Now I am either coaching. (“Stop fighting”, “Are you arguing with me”, “share please”…) or answering 1 of 10,000 questions asked during the space of an hour.” …and let me tell you, I have realized how unintelligent I truly am. Even Google can’t answer some of the questions my son has.

B.C. (Before Children), I traveled, had friends and made plans at the spur of the moment, enjoyed a $5 coffee, had silence, and had days off.

Let’s face it. “Mommy-ing” is rough. It’s A LOT of work and doesn’t come with a lot of praise. It’s full of sleepless nights, empty checkbooks, sick days where you can’t be sick and guilt over decisions you have made. It’s a rough journey at times, with lots of sacrifice.

So from the bottom of my heart and for all the little ones that can not speak up yet, let me say: “Moms, thank you!”

Thank you for doing your best for the sake of your little ones.

Thank you for sacrificing your time, your money, your energy and your body.

Thank you for giving up a good night of sleep to cuddle your sick child.

Thank you for giving up “peace” in order to provide some godly men and women for our next generation.

Thank you for giving up your $5 coffee and your date nights with the girls.

Thank you for the sacrifices you make every single day.

Thank you for carrying that baby even when you felt like you couldn’t one more day.

Thank you for the stretch marks that tell the story of each child your bore.

Thank you for praying diligently for your children even in those dark nights.

Thank you for not giving up on your child. Thank you, moms. Thank you!!!!!!!!! You are special! You are a blessing! You are needed.

Love,

Joy T

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Busy

“So, how have you been?”

“Busy”,  I replied and then went on to list the next 100 things that I needed to finish that week.

I, in turn, asked my friend how she was doing and she replied with the same dialog.

You see, busyness is almost a badge of honor in motherhood.  We identify who we are by what we are doing.

Image result for list… but this is a lie that the devil keeps trying to make us believe.

It is NOT about what we are doing but WHO we are.

I am first and foremost God’s daughter and if I am too busy to spend quality quiet time with Him, then something is terribly out of whack.

I am my husband’s wife.  I am the only one who can Biblically provide for his needs.

I am my children’s mother.  I am the only one who can really truly do this job and do it well.

It is not so much about what we do but who we are.  You see my child runs to me when he gets sick or hungry.  Why?  Because I am his mom.

So with all these responsibilities we can safely assume we will be busy, BUT we often overlook an important gift that God gave us.

Let’s go back to the beginning of Genesis….

Have you ever sat down and really meditated on creation?

We often teach little kids that there were 7 days in creation. Ok, then, what did He create on the 7th day?

Why didn’t God just say He created the world in 6 days?   If that is the way that it was written then we would most likely infer that He was done after the 6th day and that He rested.

Have you wondered why He put the 7th day in the creation story?

What did He create on the 7th day?

He created Sabbath.  Sabbath means peace, tranquility and rest.

He didn’t simply just take a rest.  He created a whole day to rest. He was busy working and then he set up boundaries so that REST was a part of that plan.

If God Almighty, the omniscient, omnipresent Creator of this world decided that rest was important enough to take a whole day for it, then why do we feel we don’t need it?

Why is busyness next to godliness?  Why do we walk around acting like our long list of stuff to do somehow makes us better moms?

Well, first off it doesn’t.  I don’t know about you, but I can be constantly doing and doing. That accomplishes nothing but stress for my kids and family dynamic.  There are days that life is so crazy that my quiet time gets skipped and I am fighting life all day with an empty tank.

Ladies, please let me encourage you to slow down.  You need your rest.  I am not talking about ME-TIME.  I’m talking about family-time.  I’m talking about God-and-you time.  I’m talking about simply relaxing and enjoying people.   I am talking about making cuts in your life so that your family gets more of you.  This doesn’t have to be a special activity.  Just simply being together.

One of my favorite quotes is this:  “Let us be silent that we may hear the whisper of God.”

As the prophet Elijah in 1 Kings 19 learned, God is not always in the storms and the busyness and loudness. Sometimes, He is in the quietness.

If we are not getting the rest and quietness we need, then we are living a crazy lifestyle that God is not a part of.

Ladies, do you want rest?  Do you want peace?

Then make sure to block out a specific time every day to spend with God in His Word.

For me, this is quiet time.  My daughter takes a nap and my son plays quietly.  During that time, I make a hot drink, grab my blanket, a heating pad and my devotions and curl up on the couch.  I place the heating pad on my neck, curl up in the blanket and open the Word of God.  It is such a relaxing time every day; when I get up from that time of rest, the energy that I have is like no other. I am physically relaxing my body as well as spiritually refreshing it.  IT IS POWERFUL!!!!!!

As a pastor’s wife and homeschool-mom with lots of stressors, there is nothing ….NOTHING.…that provides more energy to my broken-down body and mind than that time every day.

We have to learn to say no.

We have to learn to prioritize and create that rest-time.  If God thinks it’s important, then we should too.

One last thing to think about is this.  God CREATED peace.  Rest doesn’t come when I am done with my list.  (Is it ever done?)  Rest comes when you INTENTIONALLY create the time.  If we want Sabbath, peace and tranquility, we must be intentional.

Friends, we must learn to say no and to question our reasons behind what we do.

Let’s make this applicable–ask ourselves some questions.  These are some great questions for your husband and you to work through whenever you get offered new “busyness opportunities”:

  1. How does this activity better our family and or our ministry?
  2. Will this make my family stronger after I am done, or weaker?
  3. What can I take out of my life to create peace?
  4. What do I need to remove to make sure that I am having some refreshing time with God?
  5. Could someone else do this ministry?
  6. How many activities will we allow our family members to be a part of (great discussion to have with your husband about your kids, as well)?
  7. What is the most important ministry goal we have?  Are we staying true to that goal or are we adding other things that we could say “no” to?
  8. Is this what God had in mind for me?
  9. Do I have enough time that is quiet enough that God can speak to me?

I have had these discussions with other moms. Some moms would argue that they are just too busy but I truly believe that in EVERY stage of life, there is time for personal time with God.  God would not give you so much to do that you couldn’t have time to spend with Him.

At the end of the day, we need to ask ourselves:  God created rest on the 7th day, so what can I do to create rest in my home?

Rejoicing,

Joy